Some days are like banging your head against a freaking wall. No, make that a FUCKING WALL! Screw the pleasantries and positive vibe I've been keeping. I AM FRUSTRATED!!!
I have about 10 bazillion freaking decisions to make and the clock is ticking on deadlines...
Sign a contract for next year or not... 99.9% sure I'm moving, but what if that .1% chance that I don't happens and I'm left without a job and no hope of getting back into the best district locally? 15 business days from today to make a decision...
Move to Ohio this summer... That is what my gut and my heart are screaming...but what if it doesn't happen over the summer and I have to wait and relocate kids mid-year?
List the house now or wait...what if a potential buyer misses an opportunity because I waited? What if house doesn't sell and I have two mortgage payments to make? Appointment on Monday...
Do I take shit off the wall to make it viewing ready before appointment with realtor or wait for them to tell me I have too much shit? I know I have too much shit...what the hell do I do with all of it?
Take 12 semester hours of classes over the next few weeks to validate OH teaching certificate so I can actually be considered a candidate for any potential job or just take a year off and sub and get kids settled and self settled? Registered for all 12 hours...will be complete June 15th...will there be jobs available and how will I interview from here if such opportunity exists?
FUCK ME UP THE GOAT ASS!! I HATE BEING THE SOLE DECISION MAKER!! TOO MANY MEMORIES TOO MUCH TRAGEDY TOO MUCH EVERYTHING!!
I so want to play my passive agressive card and say OK, you're right, whatever you think, but I don't have anyone to say that to! It all rests on my shoulders and ATLAS here is about to either drop the world or set the mother fucker spinning!
I really want to set it spinning, but having a hard time locating the cajones to do so. Every thought is overshadowed with the doubt of 15 years of my opinion not mattering in the end or having it considered only to be told it was wrong. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I'm almost freaking 40 and can't make a decision...FUCK!
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1 comment:
Hang in there girl! Don't let that .1% hold you back from happiness. You deserve that for once in life, to do things you want to make you happy!! It's understandable the decision making difficulty though- with 15+years of not having that privilege it's become automatic to not feel comfortable doing it. Ignore that broken record echo in your head- it's not right. Follow your heart. I wish I had years ago, would have saved me years of frustration and disappointment.
The sub for a year idea sounds good, get acclimated to what schools you may want to work in. Would make for a crazy year, but makes sense.
Hang in there girl, you can do it!
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