Stu Padidiot

Three sick kids, a Dr.'s visit, and $320 later...I need Prozac and a second job!

Child #3: Diagnosis-Allergy induced asthma, needs nebulizer, albuterol, steroid, and antibiotic.
Child #2: Diagnosis-Bacterial infection causing nasty, uncontrollable cough, needs antibiotic and cough medicine w/ codeine.
Child #1: Diagnosis-Beginning stages of bacterial infection....same as #2.

Mom: Diagnosis-Broke!

To add fuel to the fire, hubby is clueless to the severity of the children's conditions. Granted, they are not life threatening conditions, they still don't FEEL GOOD! Have some sympathy, DANG IT! I know if it were him with a sniffle, he would expect the house to cater to his every need! GRRRR!

This story unfolds at the dinner table, something my mom kept as sacred ground as a child. We were not allowed to raise voices or make negative comments of any sort while seated at the table, as it should be and I try to maintain that ideal with my own children. Unfortunately, hubby and I don't always see eye to eye on this. Hence, the events that transpired tonight.

As a parent, one should know that when kids are sick, they don't always eat as well as they should. If they are eating anything at all, that is a good thing. Child #2 is a picky eater as it is and I try very hard not to get on her case about eating because it upsets her. She doesn't like a lot of meat and I serve accordingly and compensate with other proteins and green veggies. The child is still getting a balanced diet regardless of her meat intake. This is not always acceptable to hubby. Tonight being one of those nights.

Obviously, she doesn't feel well. She has managed to eat most of what was on her plate and still working on it when Mr. Eat Everything on Your Plate chimes in with a "You need to get busy on that food." Which set off the alarms in Mamma's head that her baby is under attack at the dinner table! LEAVE HER ALONE, WOULD YOU?! Needless to say that wasn't the only line to be exchanged between the two of us. It was a downhill spiral from there.

As a mother you will defend your children to the very end, regardless...right or wrong. In this case I feel I was right. There is a time and place for everything...I prefer it not to be at MY dinner table! Chew on that for awhile, Stu!

Parrothead Paradise

Until yesterday, I was a Jimmy Buffett concert virgin! For all of you who are fans of JB and never been to a concert, this is something you must experience...SOON! For all those fans who have been to one of his shows....OMG! I hope you had as much fun as I did!

Words cannot describe the hordes of "fruitcakes" that crawl out of the woodwork to go to his concerts. Age range 0-OLD! Fun level on a scale of 1-10...100 obviously! I can sum up the Jimmy Buffett concert experience in one word, UNBELIEVEABLE! Yesterday I WAS a "Cheeseburger in Paradise'! I WAS "Wasted Away Again in Margaritaville"! And I WAS a "Fruitcake"! Good times and riches and son-of-a-bitches, I saw more than I can recall!

I don't care how old you are, there is a little Buffett in all of us!

Sorry Ang, he didn't play Boat Drinks, he was already where it was WARM! :-)

Family Ties

A Family Tree project for my 4th grader requires information beyond my knowledge. To gain the knowledge and information required to complete this High School level project, I start making calls to all corners of the United States. (Can't imagine the backlash from parents if I gave this same assignment to my Jr. High students!) Anyway, I call the mother-in-law (MIL) who is full of information. Great! Fantastic! Next call to my mother who is not so full of information, but able to give me what I needed. She knows nothing of my father's side since they have been divorced for going on 20 years (a story for another day). Next call goes out to my father who knows not shit about his family!! I asked him when his dad was born..."I don't know, maybe 1924-25" OK, good...how old is he then? "Don't know, 83-84." Fuck DAD! You're a load of help! What about your mom, gotta know that one...right? WRONG! "Sometime in April." If you don't know your own parents birthdays, I'm guessing you won't be able to tell me what country the family originated, will ya? "Yeah, NO...why don't you call my mother and ask her."

Before I continue on here, a little background is necessary....
My dad's side of the family has never been close. I haven't actually seen that set of grandparents in over 5 years. Our only form of communication is through a yearly Christmas card sent from my house to theirs with a picture of the family enclosed for her "family album". So I really shouldn't be surprised at the next few minutes of phone calls.

Against my gut instinct, I make the call to Grandma Audrey. The conversation begins with, "Hello" "Grandma Audrey? " "Yeah" "This is Monica" followed by dead silence on her end..."Hello? Grandma? Hello? Are you there? Hello?" silence "I'm here." I proceed to explain why I am calling. She "knows nothing about my side, let me ask Ed" Again, silence followed by a short Ed do you know anything about your side of the family? and a quick reply back, "No, Ed doesn't know anything about his side either. Anything else?" Silence, this time on my end...I wasn't sure where to go from there. So, I said "Well, that's all I needed." To her credit, she make a weak-ass attempt to ask about the family. By weak-ass, I mean WEAK-ASS! (Honestly, why bother if you don't mean it.)

I hang up feeling bewildered that my own grandmother is so cold and heartless. Like I said before, this shouldn't come as a shock. She's always had her favorites and I wasn't one of them. I always knew it, this just confirmed it. That sits kind of heavy on the heart, even at my age.

I'm still not sure what the hell I ever did to that woman, but I will not be calling her again anytime soon. I guess I don't need to wonder why my dad is the way he is any longer, I KNOW!

Project is finished, I will hang on to the information I gathered tonight to save myself the pain of going through THAT again!

80 %

Last week, I receive an email from the hubby. It started a bit like this..."Hey, just wanted to let you know that I did the dishes!" I'm thinking this is great, one less thing for me to do when I get home. My vision of a clean sink and dishwasher unloaded faded quickly as I read the next line that went like this..."Well, I put away 80% of what was in the dishwasher and reloaded the dishwasher with about 80% of the dishes in the sink." WHAT??? 80%? And you have the balls to brag about it?

Yesterday, I get another email from the hubby. This time he has "done the laundry". So I respond with I hope you didn't dry my green sweater in the dryer. And he replies to that with, "I didn't WASH anything I just took the clothes out of the dryer and put the load from the washer IN the dryer". I come home to laundry spread in various piles of half-ass folded clothes on my bed.

Now, if I were to do 80% of the dishes, everything in the kitchen would be dirty within a week. If i only did 80% of the laundry, jackass wouldn't have clean clothes when I was done. And he wonders why he only gets sex 20% of the time...

NEWSFLASH DARLIN'! If I wasn't spending 80% of my time doing your leftover 20%, I might have a little more time for YOU!