I'm happy to announce that Mr. Wonderful successfully changed the battery in his truck without incident...unless you count sparks shooting from the battery terminal! Apparently, he was under the impression that I was an expert in the "changing a car battery" field since I have changed my own a couple of times and advised him on how to get his out. So he asked me if it mattered which order the cables were hooked back up. To which I responded...uhhhhh...I don't think so...just put 'em back on. Are you sure? No, but just try it! (I'm cracking up just telling the story now....please be advised to swallow anything you might have in your mouth at this moment before reading further.) He wanders back off to the garage with the utmost confidence in my terminal advice. Two minutes later, over the dishwasher running, through the laundry room and kitchen, into the living room, I catch the faint sound of his voice, in a panic, screaming "MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN!" "MMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"
Thinking the worst, I'm on a dead sprint to the garage (which isn't an easy task when the "girls" aren't confined) to find him standing there, with panic in his eyes and breathing heavily. He says to me "I thought you said it didn't matter which cable went on first. When I put the red one on first, then tried the black one, sparks flew everywhere, I thought I was going to catch the truck on fire!" From a battery spark? OK. Try it the other way, I just remembered my dad always told me "smoke before fire" when changing car battery (wince) (giggle)...His response..."NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK! THANKS FOR THE HELP! " Surprisingly, he was laughing when he said it and was in a good mood the rest of the day.
Side note: I didn't let him being home ruin my cleaning plans...my house was clean and scrubbed by 1pm and I was able to watch Days and read blogs as planned...made it to the bank and Wally-hell and back before dinner! As an added bonus, I didn't have to drag three screaming, hot, nit-picking at each other, kids along with me...BONUS! Maybe Mr. Wonderful working from home isn't so bad afterall, it does have it's advantages!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Mechanically challenged...
One would think that after 12+ years in a relationship that one would not be surprised by the other's inability to "fix" things...
My plan to get up early, knock out the cleaning duties before kids woke and started wreaking havoc, run to Wally-hell for a few birthday party items, and back in time to watch days and read blogs the rest of the afternoon have been SHOT! Mr. Wonderful walks out to leave for work and comes right back in with "guess I'm working from home today...battery is dead...that's what that clicking sound is when I turn the key, right?" Yeah, normally.
30 min and a plethora of obscenities later...I can't get the bleeeep bleeeep bleeeepin' battery out of the bleeeeep bleeeeeeeeeepin' truck (too early to cuss). He continues on about how the manual is "800 pages long and no where does it tell you how to get the bleeep bleeep bleeep bleeepin battery out". So I asked if he needed my help. "I don't know...!" I followed him to the garage. While he is flipping through owners manual, I'm like did you try taking this bolt off that is holding the battery in? "I can't can't get to the bleep bleep bleepin thing." Did you try a ratchet? Mr. Wonderful fuming by this point proceeds to find a ratchet and struggles with finding the right size socket, huffed when I told him 3/8 and it worked had the battery out in a matter of 2 minutes, after I had to tell him I thought he was tightening instead of loosening. The old righty tighty, lefty loosey.
So Mr. Wonderful headed off to Wally-hell to get a new battery. We will see how he does getting the battery back in...update to come!
My plan to get up early, knock out the cleaning duties before kids woke and started wreaking havoc, run to Wally-hell for a few birthday party items, and back in time to watch days and read blogs the rest of the afternoon have been SHOT! Mr. Wonderful walks out to leave for work and comes right back in with "guess I'm working from home today...battery is dead...that's what that clicking sound is when I turn the key, right?" Yeah, normally.
30 min and a plethora of obscenities later...I can't get the bleeeep bleeeep bleeeepin' battery out of the bleeeeep bleeeeeeeeeepin' truck (too early to cuss). He continues on about how the manual is "800 pages long and no where does it tell you how to get the bleeep bleeep bleeep bleeepin battery out". So I asked if he needed my help. "I don't know...!" I followed him to the garage. While he is flipping through owners manual, I'm like did you try taking this bolt off that is holding the battery in? "I can't can't get to the bleep bleep bleepin thing." Did you try a ratchet? Mr. Wonderful fuming by this point proceeds to find a ratchet and struggles with finding the right size socket, huffed when I told him 3/8 and it worked had the battery out in a matter of 2 minutes, after I had to tell him I thought he was tightening instead of loosening. The old righty tighty, lefty loosey.
So Mr. Wonderful headed off to Wally-hell to get a new battery. We will see how he does getting the battery back in...update to come!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Tattles in my jar...
I started a "tattle jar" for my little darlin's a couple of weeks ago. It has been quite the miracle tool around here and my sanity is still hanging on by a thread!
The "tattle jar" itself came about last year when I taught 4th grade. After the first couple of weeks, I quickly realized that at that age EVERYTHING is a big deal and I apparently NEEDED to know about it. I had to put on my creative thinking cap or pull out my hair...and I eventually came up with a "tattle jar". (I'm sure I have read about this or something similar in my adventures, but the when and where have escaped me over the years.)
This is how it works...I provide "tattle jar", paper squares, and writing utensil. You write your "tattles" on the paper and date it. You can sign it if you want, but signing is not required. (I could easily recognize handwriting, but they didn't know that!) "Tattles" get read on Friday at 4pm. (Yes, school was already dismissed! Genius, I know! ) I also gave the guideline that if someone was hurt or in danger or if it was something really serious or borderlining serious, I needed to know immediately. Not to hesitate to tell me anything they felt needed my attention right away. (I could always refer them to the "tattle jar" if it need be.) They were also free to put tattles into the jar at anytime unless I was giving instructions, then it had to wait. I also made it very clear that I would be the only one to read them and no one else had permission to touch anything inside the jar....DEPOSIT ONLY! (Security factor is very important!) Unless there was an issue that needed addressed, tattles were never read or discussed in class.
This worked like a gem! The first couple of weeks the kids were like Mexican jumping beans and waiting in line to drop a tattle. In fact, there were days I had to read and empty the jar after school, it was too full to wait until Friday to read. After the newness wore off and the kids were actually able to SEE how many tattles were being dropped in the jar, the number of tattles dramatically decreased and eventually stopped and the ones I was being told were the ones that really needed addressed. Mission accomplished!
End of second week of summer break, my little darlin's were running to me every two minutes with he did this and she did that and....AAAAAKKKKKKK!!! STOP! (Think....think....what can I do?.....AH HA!! TATTLE JAR!) Sure enough, it worked like a charm once again!
First day out that sucker was filled within three hours. Monster man even had a couple in there! Right now, the jar sits empty with paper and pen collecting dust. I had a few trickle in last week, but the volume has diminished and the kids have realized that the effort involved isn't worth it (at least I hope). I have reminded them a time or two, when they come to me with the occasional she did this or he did that, the "proper way" to handle tattles unless someone is bleeding, but for the most part it deters the tattling!
I feel the need to share those "tattles" because, quite honestly, they make me smile when I read them! It truly captures the innocence of childhood, I wish these were the only problems I had to deal with....
(Please note, these are actual spellings.)
A= oldest child
B= middle child
H= monster man
Tattles from oldest child (11):
H kicked me in the arm.
H won't get out of our room after you told him to get out.
Shanook (alaskan malamute) barked at me. (she has my sense of humor)
We asked H to stop making his phteradactal toy make noise but he won't.
H won't quit making his bird squak.
H called me a little liar.
H includes himself in everyone's buisness. It's annoying. (my favorite)
H stole a thing of change from me last year.
H is trying to get us to play the DS after you told us not to.
Tattles from middle child (10 in two weeks, can't spell worth a hooey):
H blocked the stairs and made me hit my elbow.
H pocked me in the eye with a card.
H took a tiny grape said"you can't have it." ate it and ran off. (ROFL)
I was talking and H know it and he made his dinsor go off.
H played electronics.
H lied.
Starting to see a pattern?
Tattles from Monster Man (6):
A lied.
A my stupid. (translation...A called me stupid.)
A tutid in my face. (translation...A tooted in my face. I found out later that middle child spelled "tutid" for him. :)
I hope this helps some other mom whose ears are burning and hair is turning gray and nerves are shot from filtering all those tattles! Oh, one more thing...make sure you label it "TATTLE JAR", decorate it with kids help, and place it where all can reach (and SEE). It's always fun to hear the kids explain to family members and friends what the tattle jar is all about!
The "tattle jar" itself came about last year when I taught 4th grade. After the first couple of weeks, I quickly realized that at that age EVERYTHING is a big deal and I apparently NEEDED to know about it. I had to put on my creative thinking cap or pull out my hair...and I eventually came up with a "tattle jar". (I'm sure I have read about this or something similar in my adventures, but the when and where have escaped me over the years.)
This is how it works...I provide "tattle jar", paper squares, and writing utensil. You write your "tattles" on the paper and date it. You can sign it if you want, but signing is not required. (I could easily recognize handwriting, but they didn't know that!) "Tattles" get read on Friday at 4pm. (Yes, school was already dismissed! Genius, I know! ) I also gave the guideline that if someone was hurt or in danger or if it was something really serious or borderlining serious, I needed to know immediately. Not to hesitate to tell me anything they felt needed my attention right away. (I could always refer them to the "tattle jar" if it need be.) They were also free to put tattles into the jar at anytime unless I was giving instructions, then it had to wait. I also made it very clear that I would be the only one to read them and no one else had permission to touch anything inside the jar....DEPOSIT ONLY! (Security factor is very important!) Unless there was an issue that needed addressed, tattles were never read or discussed in class.
This worked like a gem! The first couple of weeks the kids were like Mexican jumping beans and waiting in line to drop a tattle. In fact, there were days I had to read and empty the jar after school, it was too full to wait until Friday to read. After the newness wore off and the kids were actually able to SEE how many tattles were being dropped in the jar, the number of tattles dramatically decreased and eventually stopped and the ones I was being told were the ones that really needed addressed. Mission accomplished!
End of second week of summer break, my little darlin's were running to me every two minutes with he did this and she did that and....AAAAAKKKKKKK!!! STOP! (Think....think....what can I do?.....AH HA!! TATTLE JAR!) Sure enough, it worked like a charm once again!
First day out that sucker was filled within three hours. Monster man even had a couple in there! Right now, the jar sits empty with paper and pen collecting dust. I had a few trickle in last week, but the volume has diminished and the kids have realized that the effort involved isn't worth it (at least I hope). I have reminded them a time or two, when they come to me with the occasional she did this or he did that, the "proper way" to handle tattles unless someone is bleeding, but for the most part it deters the tattling!
I feel the need to share those "tattles" because, quite honestly, they make me smile when I read them! It truly captures the innocence of childhood, I wish these were the only problems I had to deal with....
(Please note, these are actual spellings.)
A= oldest child
B= middle child
H= monster man
Tattles from oldest child (11):
H kicked me in the arm.
H won't get out of our room after you told him to get out.
Shanook (alaskan malamute) barked at me. (she has my sense of humor)
We asked H to stop making his phteradactal toy make noise but he won't.
H won't quit making his bird squak.
H called me a little liar.
H includes himself in everyone's buisness. It's annoying. (my favorite)
H stole a thing of change from me last year.
H is trying to get us to play the DS after you told us not to.
Tattles from middle child (10 in two weeks, can't spell worth a hooey):
H blocked the stairs and made me hit my elbow.
H pocked me in the eye with a card.
H took a tiny grape said"you can't have it." ate it and ran off. (ROFL)
I was talking and H know it and he made his dinsor go off.
H played electronics.
H lied.
Starting to see a pattern?
Tattles from Monster Man (6):
A lied.
A my stupid. (translation...A called me stupid.)
A tutid in my face. (translation...A tooted in my face. I found out later that middle child spelled "tutid" for him. :)
I hope this helps some other mom whose ears are burning and hair is turning gray and nerves are shot from filtering all those tattles! Oh, one more thing...make sure you label it "TATTLE JAR", decorate it with kids help, and place it where all can reach (and SEE). It's always fun to hear the kids explain to family members and friends what the tattle jar is all about!
Monday, June 23, 2008
TP for my bunghole...
Noticing we were getting low on TP, Mr. Wonderful offered to pick some up while he was out. GREAT! That saves me a trip to Wally-hell on a Saturday afternoon, have at it!
Obviously if I'm telling the story, there is a history behind TP in our household. When we met, I had always used Charmin and his mom had always used Charmin. The logical choice when buying toilet paper after we were married was Charmin, right?
After the first couple of packages, Mr. Wonderful comes to the conclusion that after wiping with Charmin for 26 years that it leaves "butt fuzzies" and he would like to try something different. The next time TP was on the list, I tried quilted Northeren and we've been using that for the past 11 years.
Imagine the shock on my face when he walked through the door with a 36 pack of Charmin!
I didn't say anything right away. In fact, I left it sit in the kitchen for a couple of hours contemplating how to approach the subject of Northeren vs Charmin.
Mr. Wonderful must have been anticipating my questioning coming because when I casually said to him, "Out of pure curiosity..." (didn't get the rest of the question out) He replied, "This is QUILTED Charmin, thought I'd give it a try, see if it has improved." OK. Didn't voice my concern of having 36 rolls worth of griping if it hadn't improved and started leaving "butt fuzzies".
Picture the scene of him coming out of the bathroom yesterday morning...scary I know...but stay with me here. He comes out exclaiming "MAN! Have you tried that new Charmin? That is some good toilet paper! It didn't leave butt fuzzies either!" I am so glad he found something positive to start his day! I'm having a hard time adjusting... I keep having squares to spare.
Obviously if I'm telling the story, there is a history behind TP in our household. When we met, I had always used Charmin and his mom had always used Charmin. The logical choice when buying toilet paper after we were married was Charmin, right?
After the first couple of packages, Mr. Wonderful comes to the conclusion that after wiping with Charmin for 26 years that it leaves "butt fuzzies" and he would like to try something different. The next time TP was on the list, I tried quilted Northeren and we've been using that for the past 11 years.
Imagine the shock on my face when he walked through the door with a 36 pack of Charmin!
I didn't say anything right away. In fact, I left it sit in the kitchen for a couple of hours contemplating how to approach the subject of Northeren vs Charmin.
Mr. Wonderful must have been anticipating my questioning coming because when I casually said to him, "Out of pure curiosity..." (didn't get the rest of the question out) He replied, "This is QUILTED Charmin, thought I'd give it a try, see if it has improved." OK. Didn't voice my concern of having 36 rolls worth of griping if it hadn't improved and started leaving "butt fuzzies".
Picture the scene of him coming out of the bathroom yesterday morning...scary I know...but stay with me here. He comes out exclaiming "MAN! Have you tried that new Charmin? That is some good toilet paper! It didn't leave butt fuzzies either!" I am so glad he found something positive to start his day! I'm having a hard time adjusting... I keep having squares to spare.
Kid funnies...
We all know kids say the darndest things...
Here are a couple from last week....
Middle Child: "Mom, my 'boulders' really hurt!" Me: "?blink?huh?" Middle Child: (opening mouth and pointing) "MY BOULDERS!!! See them clear in the back, they HURT!!"
Interpretation: boulders = molars!
Little Man: (in Wal-Mart) "MOM! CATALONE CHEESE! We are almost out! You NEED to get more catalone!" Me: "?blink?huh?" Little Man: (now pointing and raising voice) "RIGHT THERE! SEE! CATOLONE CHEESE!"
Interpretation: catalone cheese = parmesan cheese!
Little Man: (reading sight words) "FFFFFFFFFFF-EH-T" Me: (stifled snicker) "Try again honey, sound it out." Little Man: ( proud as can be) "FFFFFF-EH-EH-T! FET!" Me: "FET? So you walk on your FET? Little Man: (rolling in hysterics) "FFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! I walk on my FFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET, MAMA!" (falls on floor with 'FET' in air) See my FET? (still cracking up)"
Here are a couple from last week....
Middle Child: "Mom, my 'boulders' really hurt!" Me: "?blink?huh?" Middle Child: (opening mouth and pointing) "MY BOULDERS!!! See them clear in the back, they HURT!!"
Interpretation: boulders = molars!
Little Man: (in Wal-Mart) "MOM! CATALONE CHEESE! We are almost out! You NEED to get more catalone!" Me: "?blink?huh?" Little Man: (now pointing and raising voice) "RIGHT THERE! SEE! CATOLONE CHEESE!"
Interpretation: catalone cheese = parmesan cheese!
Little Man: (reading sight words) "FFFFFFFFFFF-EH-T" Me: (stifled snicker) "Try again honey, sound it out." Little Man: ( proud as can be) "FFFFFF-EH-EH-T! FET!" Me: "FET? So you walk on your FET? Little Man: (rolling in hysterics) "FFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! I walk on my FFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET, MAMA!" (falls on floor with 'FET' in air) See my FET? (still cracking up)"
Friday, June 20, 2008
Stinky Situation
Last September, I bought an awesome pair of shoes. Awesome because they were not only comfortable, but awesome because they were tennis shoes that I could pass off as dress shoes. Oh man were my feet thankful for that $40 purchase of what soon became my favorite pair of shoes!
I wore these shoes nearly everyday throughout the fall season without socks, and through the winter with socks, and throughout the spring both ways depending on weather. I wore them with skirts. I wore them with capris. I wore them with jeans and dress pants. I wore them to church and to sporting events. I even wore them on a 17 hr bus trip with 40 wild Jr. High students. They were like green eggs and ham!! I would wear them anywhere!
Needless to say by about January, my wonderful shoes started to develop a funk about them. So, I did what any other sane person in my situation would do, I washed them! I let them air dry. I sprayed them with Odo-ban. WOOHOOO! Problem solved! Well, at least until I wore them without socks again. It became a challenge to rid these shoes of odor, because I was not about to give them up! I wore them only with socks and sprayed them with Odo-ban after each use. This seemed to be working.
It worked until the weather started getting warmer and my feet were too hot to wear socks any longer. I continued to wear them, stink and all, and continued the Odo-ban therapy after each use, but the stink became worse and the inside became slippery after wearing them for a couple of hours. Yet, I was still not willing to part with these shoes! I was determined to "save" them! Yes, I washed them again. This time, I added the Odo-ban to the wash. Mission accomplished, stink gone. I knew I could bring them back from the depths of foot funk!
At least for the first two wearings without socks. This is when Mr. Wonderful tried to intervene. I had slipped off the shoes and left them in front of his dresser. Two days later, he bent over to pick up a pair of shorts to put in the hamper when his olfactory nerves were awaken from the stench coming from my favorite shoes. When I got home from work that night, he was quick to tell me following ..."I bent over to pick up my shorts and got a huge whiff of something. I didn't know what the fuck that horrible smell was, but it didn't take me long to figure out it was your fucking shoes! Please don't tell me you are STILL wearing those NASTY things! You're lucky I didn't throw those mofo's out in the trash! I damn near puked!" Of course, I did the only logical thing I could do...I laughed my ass off and tossed the shoes into the closet! I didn't wear them for at least two weeks after that. They just needed to air out!
A couple of weeks before school was out, I decided that my favorite shoes had aired out enough that I could once again wear them. I Odo-banned them the night before just for good measure. About two hours into the day, I started smelling something funky myself. The day went on and the funk got worse. Picture me sitting at my desk, sniffing the air, with a look of confusion on my face... I began digging through my bags, sure that I had missed taking out a bowl or piece of fruit or something, but couldn't find the source. I began to think that maybe a mouse had died in the wall behind me, the smell was obviously that of something dead, I was sure of it! I looked for the source all morning!
Later that day, I was in the science lab and started smelling the same funk. I thought to myself, my room is adjacent to the science lab, must be something dead in the walls. And I went on about my teaching and didn't think another thing about it until I was back in my classroom during planning period, sitting at my desk when the funk once again permeated the air around me. By this point in the day, my feet were hot and sweaty and I kicked off my shoes. That's when it hit me, damn near knocked my out of my chair, that the stench was my own feet! HOLY HELL! Why didn't someone tell me my shoes were this bad?
That's when the maintenance man walked into my room and exclaimed, "Good lord! What is that smell? You got something dead in the wall or what?" Of course, I LAUGHED!! And through the snickers and bouts of uncontrollable laughter, I finally explained to him that it wasn't anything "dead in the walls" it was actually my feet. Keep in mind he's from Louisiana...He said, there's NO WAY your feet smell THAT bad. Wrong person to say that to! I handed him my shoe. In total confidence that it was not my shoe that smelled that bad, he took a giant whiff! At this point I'm rolling out of my chair! The look on his face when his brain processed the stench was priceless. First his eyes got really big, then his face turned all shades of green while choking back a gag, then he started to sweat and his face turned red, and the poor man was speechless for about 2 minutes! Now, if anyone knows Mr. Joe, he is NEVER speechless! The only thing he could do was shake his head as he walked away. He later returned and told me that that was the WORST thing he had ever smelled...except for one. Was too afraid to ask what. I haven't worn those shoes since that day.
Now, a logically thinking person would have pitched the shoes as soon as they got home, but not me! No siree, after a month and a half the shoes are still in my closet. I picked them up the other day when I was cleaning my closet, took a cautious whiff, near gagged, pulled in insoles out and pitched them, put the shoes back in the closet(they didn't smell w/o insoles), and replaced them with some Dr. Scholl's insoles. I still haven't worn them, it's flip flop weather, but hopefully the smell problem is no longer there. If by chance it is, I will toss those and buy a new pair or maybe two!
I wore these shoes nearly everyday throughout the fall season without socks, and through the winter with socks, and throughout the spring both ways depending on weather. I wore them with skirts. I wore them with capris. I wore them with jeans and dress pants. I wore them to church and to sporting events. I even wore them on a 17 hr bus trip with 40 wild Jr. High students. They were like green eggs and ham!! I would wear them anywhere!
Needless to say by about January, my wonderful shoes started to develop a funk about them. So, I did what any other sane person in my situation would do, I washed them! I let them air dry. I sprayed them with Odo-ban. WOOHOOO! Problem solved! Well, at least until I wore them without socks again. It became a challenge to rid these shoes of odor, because I was not about to give them up! I wore them only with socks and sprayed them with Odo-ban after each use. This seemed to be working.
It worked until the weather started getting warmer and my feet were too hot to wear socks any longer. I continued to wear them, stink and all, and continued the Odo-ban therapy after each use, but the stink became worse and the inside became slippery after wearing them for a couple of hours. Yet, I was still not willing to part with these shoes! I was determined to "save" them! Yes, I washed them again. This time, I added the Odo-ban to the wash. Mission accomplished, stink gone. I knew I could bring them back from the depths of foot funk!
At least for the first two wearings without socks. This is when Mr. Wonderful tried to intervene. I had slipped off the shoes and left them in front of his dresser. Two days later, he bent over to pick up a pair of shorts to put in the hamper when his olfactory nerves were awaken from the stench coming from my favorite shoes. When I got home from work that night, he was quick to tell me following ..."I bent over to pick up my shorts and got a huge whiff of something. I didn't know what the fuck that horrible smell was, but it didn't take me long to figure out it was your fucking shoes! Please don't tell me you are STILL wearing those NASTY things! You're lucky I didn't throw those mofo's out in the trash! I damn near puked!" Of course, I did the only logical thing I could do...I laughed my ass off and tossed the shoes into the closet! I didn't wear them for at least two weeks after that. They just needed to air out!
A couple of weeks before school was out, I decided that my favorite shoes had aired out enough that I could once again wear them. I Odo-banned them the night before just for good measure. About two hours into the day, I started smelling something funky myself. The day went on and the funk got worse. Picture me sitting at my desk, sniffing the air, with a look of confusion on my face... I began digging through my bags, sure that I had missed taking out a bowl or piece of fruit or something, but couldn't find the source. I began to think that maybe a mouse had died in the wall behind me, the smell was obviously that of something dead, I was sure of it! I looked for the source all morning!
Later that day, I was in the science lab and started smelling the same funk. I thought to myself, my room is adjacent to the science lab, must be something dead in the walls. And I went on about my teaching and didn't think another thing about it until I was back in my classroom during planning period, sitting at my desk when the funk once again permeated the air around me. By this point in the day, my feet were hot and sweaty and I kicked off my shoes. That's when it hit me, damn near knocked my out of my chair, that the stench was my own feet! HOLY HELL! Why didn't someone tell me my shoes were this bad?
That's when the maintenance man walked into my room and exclaimed, "Good lord! What is that smell? You got something dead in the wall or what?" Of course, I LAUGHED!! And through the snickers and bouts of uncontrollable laughter, I finally explained to him that it wasn't anything "dead in the walls" it was actually my feet. Keep in mind he's from Louisiana...He said, there's NO WAY your feet smell THAT bad. Wrong person to say that to! I handed him my shoe. In total confidence that it was not my shoe that smelled that bad, he took a giant whiff! At this point I'm rolling out of my chair! The look on his face when his brain processed the stench was priceless. First his eyes got really big, then his face turned all shades of green while choking back a gag, then he started to sweat and his face turned red, and the poor man was speechless for about 2 minutes! Now, if anyone knows Mr. Joe, he is NEVER speechless! The only thing he could do was shake his head as he walked away. He later returned and told me that that was the WORST thing he had ever smelled...except for one. Was too afraid to ask what. I haven't worn those shoes since that day.
Now, a logically thinking person would have pitched the shoes as soon as they got home, but not me! No siree, after a month and a half the shoes are still in my closet. I picked them up the other day when I was cleaning my closet, took a cautious whiff, near gagged, pulled in insoles out and pitched them, put the shoes back in the closet(they didn't smell w/o insoles), and replaced them with some Dr. Scholl's insoles. I still haven't worn them, it's flip flop weather, but hopefully the smell problem is no longer there. If by chance it is, I will toss those and buy a new pair or maybe two!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Mom school update
Today marks the third day of my little darlin's being in Mom school...I must say that I am a bit surprised at their response to doing school work over the summer. I totally expected kicking and screaming, especially from the youngest, but instead they are bummed when their daily assignments are complete and I tell them no more, go play! In fact, they keep asking for more.
A typical Mom school morning is up and dressed and fed by 9:30 for a bit of exercise. Cool down, drink and snack while I give instructions individually, usually started by around 10am. Older girls have journal entry/story, english, math, and science daily, and book report every two weeks. Little one has two math sheets, two color/reading sheets, daily writing practice, and one-on-one reading time. All finished by lunch time. While kids are working, mom is working on house and we have the afternoon free to do whatever we choose.
The oldest (11) is working on a quilt, middle child (9) is crocheting, little man (6) is wreaking havoc on the household (not really), and my house is getting cleaned. He is actually discovering all the fun toys he has in his room. Cutting out TV was one of the smartest things I could have done for them. They have all found ways of being creative with toys they had forgotten about, they are playing games, and putting together puzzles. It has also forced them to get along with each other.
Tattle jar was also a hit. After the first day, I have only had a couple tattles dropped in the jar and had ZERO kids running to me every five minutes to tattle. Apparently they have decided it is too much work to write down meaningless tattles. Mission accomplished!
A typical Mom school morning is up and dressed and fed by 9:30 for a bit of exercise. Cool down, drink and snack while I give instructions individually, usually started by around 10am. Older girls have journal entry/story, english, math, and science daily, and book report every two weeks. Little one has two math sheets, two color/reading sheets, daily writing practice, and one-on-one reading time. All finished by lunch time. While kids are working, mom is working on house and we have the afternoon free to do whatever we choose.
The oldest (11) is working on a quilt, middle child (9) is crocheting, little man (6) is wreaking havoc on the household (not really), and my house is getting cleaned. He is actually discovering all the fun toys he has in his room. Cutting out TV was one of the smartest things I could have done for them. They have all found ways of being creative with toys they had forgotten about, they are playing games, and putting together puzzles. It has also forced them to get along with each other.
Tattle jar was also a hit. After the first day, I have only had a couple tattles dropped in the jar and had ZERO kids running to me every five minutes to tattle. Apparently they have decided it is too much work to write down meaningless tattles. Mission accomplished!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Friday the 13th
First of all... WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE REMIND ME IT WAS FRIDAY THE 13TH?? I went all day, until 6:30 pm, before I remembered it was the 13th and it happened to be FRIDAY!! I'm not the superstitious type , I have always considered 13 my lucky number, I walk under ladders, and I put umbrellas up inside buildings...but the one thing I won't do is split a friendship! You know, when you are walking with someone and come to a pole or divided door...I always let the other person go first and I follow behind. I know, silly!
In honor of my lucky number, here are 13 things about my day...
1. Mr. Wonderful worked at the office today and will be late getting home!
2. I had 2 hours of quiet reading time this morning before the kids woke up!
3. I stayed in my PJs until 1pm!
4. I took my kids out for a fun shopping day!
5. We had dinner out at CiCi's and I ate way too much! So much for the diet.
6. At last count, there were 15 tattles in my "tattle jar"!
7. I learned that my 6 year-old can spell "liar" and "stupid" by sounding out the words!
8. I learned that my soon to be 10 year-old can't spell worth a hooey!
9. I had a slight case of road rage when some jackass failed to YIELD!!! One of these days...
10. The USPS trains their employees to move at the pace of a sloth in order to annoy the general public! True story!
11. I only spent $19 and some odd cents in WalMart!
12. It took $87.23 to fill up my gas tank at $3.92/gal!
13. After filling my tank, my fuel gauge reads EMPTY and my check engine light is on! Yes, the gas is still there, but I'm sure another sensor has gone bad. I had the same part replaced two years ago, same symptoms. Not a big deal!
Happy Friday the 13th to all and to all a good night! :-)
In honor of my lucky number, here are 13 things about my day...
1. Mr. Wonderful worked at the office today and will be late getting home!
2. I had 2 hours of quiet reading time this morning before the kids woke up!
3. I stayed in my PJs until 1pm!
4. I took my kids out for a fun shopping day!
5. We had dinner out at CiCi's and I ate way too much! So much for the diet.
6. At last count, there were 15 tattles in my "tattle jar"!
7. I learned that my 6 year-old can spell "liar" and "stupid" by sounding out the words!
8. I learned that my soon to be 10 year-old can't spell worth a hooey!
9. I had a slight case of road rage when some jackass failed to YIELD!!! One of these days...
10. The USPS trains their employees to move at the pace of a sloth in order to annoy the general public! True story!
11. I only spent $19 and some odd cents in WalMart!
12. It took $87.23 to fill up my gas tank at $3.92/gal!
13. After filling my tank, my fuel gauge reads EMPTY and my check engine light is on! Yes, the gas is still there, but I'm sure another sensor has gone bad. I had the same part replaced two years ago, same symptoms. Not a big deal!
Happy Friday the 13th to all and to all a good night! :-)
Groundation Army
Here we are at the end of two weeks into summer vacation. I have severely failed to provide my lovely darlin's with the proper structure to ensure a no fighting environment over the summer. You see, I promised them worksheets and math lessons and writing assignments, but I let my own personal desires to clean the house and weed the flower beds stand in the way. Therefore, my children formed an alliance with each other to nitpick at, argue with, and sometimes slap each other to gain my attention. Yesterday, they finally succeeded in their mission! They got my full and undivided attention, free from swapping laundry, scrubbing toilet bowls, and pulling weeds!
Yes, my little angels, I hear your cry for structure...I need all front and center for a "Come to Jesus" meeting. Let me start by apologizing for not making you read and write and do math for the past week. I understand it has been a challenge for you to occupy yourselves with the many board games, shelves of books, hundreds of toys, bikes and scooters, and all the outdoor fun toys available to you, so I'm stepping in to help you utilize the items available to you for your enjoyment. Starting right now, you are being introduced to no TV, video games, or electronic devices of any sort until NEXT Friday at which time you may have the privilege to use those items at my discretion...that is called being grounded. Does everyone understand that you are not to watch TV or play with any electronics until said time? Yes? Great! Now, if someone decides to sneak these item between now and NEXT Friday, you will have an extra day of grounding added to your time. In addition, any further arguing, poking, annoying, etc will also result in an extra day being added to your grounding. Does everyone understand? Yes? OK.
Since you are begging for structure, starting Monday, all children will be out of bed, dressed, and fed by 9:30am. At which time we will ALL, mommy included, engage in some sort of outdoor physical activity for 30 minutes, be it riding bikes, taking a walk, hula hoop, etc. We will be outside weather permitting. Am I clear so far? OK, good! After our planned activity we will be engaging in "school work" until lunch time. Each of you will do a book report a week and present it on Friday mornings. You will also each be doing a journal entry daily. I will give you a writing prompt and you will respond with a minimum of 5 paragraphs. Each of you will also have a math lesson to complete daily. Does that sound like fun? After lunch, each of us will spend 30 minutes cleaning up. If we ALL work together we should be done in less time and can have the afternoon to play games, swim, go to the library, sew, crochet, etc. Are we all on board with this plan? Surprisingly enough, all three said yes.
In addition to a structured day, my little angels, I will provide you with a "tattle jar". It will be located in the kitchen, complete with paper squares and pen. Anytime and I mean anytime someone feels the need to tattle, all you have to do is write who did what on the paper, sign it, fold it up, and place it in the jar. I will read all "tattles" on Friday mornings. Now, for clarification... if someone is hurt or doing something dangerous or hurting someone else, I need to know right away. For things like someone flinging a booger at you or sticking out their tongue at you or leaving dirty clothes on the floor, write them down and place them in the "tattle jar". Feel free to use it as many times a day as you like, no one is counting and no one else will read them except for me on Friday mornings. Any questions on how the "tattle jar" works?
If there are no further questions on procedure starting Monday, you are all dismissed until dinner...
HOLY HECTOR! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF?
Yes, my little angels, I hear your cry for structure...I need all front and center for a "Come to Jesus" meeting. Let me start by apologizing for not making you read and write and do math for the past week. I understand it has been a challenge for you to occupy yourselves with the many board games, shelves of books, hundreds of toys, bikes and scooters, and all the outdoor fun toys available to you, so I'm stepping in to help you utilize the items available to you for your enjoyment. Starting right now, you are being introduced to no TV, video games, or electronic devices of any sort until NEXT Friday at which time you may have the privilege to use those items at my discretion...that is called being grounded. Does everyone understand that you are not to watch TV or play with any electronics until said time? Yes? Great! Now, if someone decides to sneak these item between now and NEXT Friday, you will have an extra day of grounding added to your time. In addition, any further arguing, poking, annoying, etc will also result in an extra day being added to your grounding. Does everyone understand? Yes? OK.
Since you are begging for structure, starting Monday, all children will be out of bed, dressed, and fed by 9:30am. At which time we will ALL, mommy included, engage in some sort of outdoor physical activity for 30 minutes, be it riding bikes, taking a walk, hula hoop, etc. We will be outside weather permitting. Am I clear so far? OK, good! After our planned activity we will be engaging in "school work" until lunch time. Each of you will do a book report a week and present it on Friday mornings. You will also each be doing a journal entry daily. I will give you a writing prompt and you will respond with a minimum of 5 paragraphs. Each of you will also have a math lesson to complete daily. Does that sound like fun? After lunch, each of us will spend 30 minutes cleaning up. If we ALL work together we should be done in less time and can have the afternoon to play games, swim, go to the library, sew, crochet, etc. Are we all on board with this plan? Surprisingly enough, all three said yes.
In addition to a structured day, my little angels, I will provide you with a "tattle jar". It will be located in the kitchen, complete with paper squares and pen. Anytime and I mean anytime someone feels the need to tattle, all you have to do is write who did what on the paper, sign it, fold it up, and place it in the jar. I will read all "tattles" on Friday mornings. Now, for clarification... if someone is hurt or doing something dangerous or hurting someone else, I need to know right away. For things like someone flinging a booger at you or sticking out their tongue at you or leaving dirty clothes on the floor, write them down and place them in the "tattle jar". Feel free to use it as many times a day as you like, no one is counting and no one else will read them except for me on Friday mornings. Any questions on how the "tattle jar" works?
If there are no further questions on procedure starting Monday, you are all dismissed until dinner...
HOLY HECTOR! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF?
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
At last...
Finally! A day that Mr. Wonderful went into the office to work!! Fortunately, for me, he will be at the office for the rest of the week...YAY!...his boss is in town!! With him at work, I was able to get up and enjoy my coffee without the interruption of "where's my cup?" or "could you come here and talk to me for a minute?" or "are you on the computer again?", I was also able to sit in my PJs until about 5 minutes ago when I decided to get off my ass and get dressed, and I have started laundry and finished my embroidery project. I've also fed kids and swapped dishwasher in there too, but all without being told to do so! See, I'm a big girl! Things get done when Mr. Wonderful isn't here telling me what I need to do and when I need to do it and how to do it "the right way" (snarl). It all gets done at my pace and how I want to do it...end of day result is the same, except I'm not a bitch because I have been treated like a child all day! I'm also not mentally exhausted from catering to him all day! There is my spiel for the day on how bad Mr. Wonderful sucks!
On to bigger and better things...like the size of my ass! See previous post for more detail than you will ever want to know. I decided that I would go back on my LA weightloss plan to drop the extra weight I gained from eating too many delicious cheeseburgers last year. The first two days consist of eating only green veggies and protein and a cleansing drink and 10 glasses of water with a limit of 12 oz of caffeine per day. Which is plenty to eat since it is unlimited, but day one with 12 oz of coffee to kick start my day when I'm use to at least a pot of coffee in the morning followed by Diet Coke by noon and iced tea in the evening....OH MAN! Wasn't hungry, but damn sure had a headache screaming for Mt. Dew intravenously by 4pm! Day two was a busy day and I didn't have time to cook any of my frozen veggies and I had ate all the salad I had chopped up the day before, so I resorted to the 3 lb of celery I had bought at Sam's and chopped up...by the end of the day I was almost certain that I was going to shit a stock of celery and a jar of peanut butter the next time the urge hit. Fortunately, it all worked out and I made it through the worst part of detox and dropped 5 pounds! Now I get to eat actual food until I have reached my goal of 15 more pounds. The good thing about this plan is plenty of fruits and veggies (three each per day), 2 proteins, 2 starches, 1 dairy, 1 fat, and 2 protein bars to curb the sugar craving and I get my coffee and tea back and diet soda after a week...now if I can just resist temptation for the next 6-7 weeks I should reach my goal by mid to end of July and back in all those cute clothes that were starting to get a bit tight! There is also a conversion for beer and other beverages...bonus!! That's not to say I won't splurge on occasion, but I've done it before, I can do it again! I just need to go cook up my food and portion it out for the next few days...as soon as I'm done here!
Onto other business...I think I hold the record for the number of times I have been rear-ended in TX. Yesterday's incident brings the count to 5! (if you count the go cart one...stupid little prick!) Here's how it happened...I was driving along minding my own damn business when I came upon a red light at which I stopped. The clouds overhead had just put down a light sprinkle, enough to make the road wet. When the light turned green, I began to cross the intersection when out of nowhere coming toward me on the wrong side of the street comes a Police SUV with lights and sirens. Since I had no idea if he was coming out onto the the road I was crossing or what the hell was going on, I stopped to yield to him, which I think is the law. He turned right before the intersection. I pressed on the gas and began moving when I heard a familiar sound. WTF??? OH SHIT!!! DON'T TELL ME I JUST GOT REAR-ENDED AGAIN!! ^%$# MR. WONDERFUL IS GOING TO BE PISSED!! STUPID BLEEPING COP!! (No offense to our law enforcement, I was just freaking out a bit!) We pulled over and we both got out of our vehicles and apologized profusely as we checked for damage. Fortunately, the bump wasn't hard enough to cause damage to either vehicle or injury to drivers or passengers! WOOHOOO, chalk one up to going to church a few times this year! I didn't have to explain to Mr. Wonderful how the bumper of my vehicle was once again destroyed and that I needed 8 months of therapy on my back and neck...what a relief! Testimony to the fact that good deeds eventually pay off!
On to bigger and better things...like the size of my ass! See previous post for more detail than you will ever want to know. I decided that I would go back on my LA weightloss plan to drop the extra weight I gained from eating too many delicious cheeseburgers last year. The first two days consist of eating only green veggies and protein and a cleansing drink and 10 glasses of water with a limit of 12 oz of caffeine per day. Which is plenty to eat since it is unlimited, but day one with 12 oz of coffee to kick start my day when I'm use to at least a pot of coffee in the morning followed by Diet Coke by noon and iced tea in the evening....OH MAN! Wasn't hungry, but damn sure had a headache screaming for Mt. Dew intravenously by 4pm! Day two was a busy day and I didn't have time to cook any of my frozen veggies and I had ate all the salad I had chopped up the day before, so I resorted to the 3 lb of celery I had bought at Sam's and chopped up...by the end of the day I was almost certain that I was going to shit a stock of celery and a jar of peanut butter the next time the urge hit. Fortunately, it all worked out and I made it through the worst part of detox and dropped 5 pounds! Now I get to eat actual food until I have reached my goal of 15 more pounds. The good thing about this plan is plenty of fruits and veggies (three each per day), 2 proteins, 2 starches, 1 dairy, 1 fat, and 2 protein bars to curb the sugar craving and I get my coffee and tea back and diet soda after a week...now if I can just resist temptation for the next 6-7 weeks I should reach my goal by mid to end of July and back in all those cute clothes that were starting to get a bit tight! There is also a conversion for beer and other beverages...bonus!! That's not to say I won't splurge on occasion, but I've done it before, I can do it again! I just need to go cook up my food and portion it out for the next few days...as soon as I'm done here!
Onto other business...I think I hold the record for the number of times I have been rear-ended in TX. Yesterday's incident brings the count to 5! (if you count the go cart one...stupid little prick!) Here's how it happened...I was driving along minding my own damn business when I came upon a red light at which I stopped. The clouds overhead had just put down a light sprinkle, enough to make the road wet. When the light turned green, I began to cross the intersection when out of nowhere coming toward me on the wrong side of the street comes a Police SUV with lights and sirens. Since I had no idea if he was coming out onto the the road I was crossing or what the hell was going on, I stopped to yield to him, which I think is the law. He turned right before the intersection. I pressed on the gas and began moving when I heard a familiar sound. WTF??? OH SHIT!!! DON'T TELL ME I JUST GOT REAR-ENDED AGAIN!! ^%$# MR. WONDERFUL IS GOING TO BE PISSED!! STUPID BLEEPING COP!! (No offense to our law enforcement, I was just freaking out a bit!) We pulled over and we both got out of our vehicles and apologized profusely as we checked for damage. Fortunately, the bump wasn't hard enough to cause damage to either vehicle or injury to drivers or passengers! WOOHOOO, chalk one up to going to church a few times this year! I didn't have to explain to Mr. Wonderful how the bumper of my vehicle was once again destroyed and that I needed 8 months of therapy on my back and neck...what a relief! Testimony to the fact that good deeds eventually pay off!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Summertime blues...
I apologize in advance for any eyesight damage that may occur from reading this blog.
First of all, my schedule thus far this summer has been busier than it was two weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, I don't have the stress of work right now, but my schedule is jam packed and I'm not the one adding to it. Between soccer practice and games, baseball practice and games, and dance practice twice a week, we have something going nearly every day of the week. Toss in a visit from Mr. Wonderful's uncle, an 50th Anniversary party, and Father's Day to top off the week and I'm tired before it even starts. Today I spent, by my own choice, creating a unique anniversary gift. From designing, cutting, fusing, quilting, and now finishing embroidering (something I just today learned how to do), I am creatively brain dead! In fact, I should be finishing the last 4 numbers right now, but instead I'm blogging.
Schedule by itself, I can handle...Mr. Wonderful's fickle mind, I cannot. That brings me to topic #2...Mr. Wonderful. We found land, both liked it, was approved to buy and last night Mr. Wonderful throws a wrench into that plan. He is all of a sudden "not sure this is right". OK, news to me, that's the first I've heard anything other than I love it and I can do this and I can do that and the kids can do this and you can do that....and this is what our house will look like and our driveway here and that there....and I can have a tractor... and we're close to mom... After a morning of prodding and pointing out to him that I couldn't deal with him being miserable all the time, which he denied, and he needed to tell me what the hell his problem was...he finally let it out. And it went something like this...I had a good job in NC then my dad had to die (13 yrs ago) and I had to move back to OH to take care of my mom, then I met you and we all know what happened there and...whoa, wait a second...you trying to tell me you wanna get rid of me?...No, but I took this stupid job at the bank and I don't feel like I do anything and I've been there 11 years and my degree is in agri-business and I don't like my job and we haven't been camping since Oct. and it's too hot to fish now and I've taken 10 vacation days and none of them were for me, I took 3 for kids field trips and I took 7 to go to OH over spring break for you...hold on!...I think we visited more of your family and friends than mine...so don't say you did it for me...and I hate this stupid state it's brown in the winter and green for a couple months before the sun bakes the grass to brown where it stays for another 9 months and nothing grows here without watering three times a day and then doesn't produce which really pisses me off after all that work and if we get this land and build then we are stuck here in this stupid state and I'm stuck in my stupid job and...and...and...and I'm not teaching my kids a good work ethic working from home and...that's all I can remember right now, I'm sure there was more.
I pointed out that his miserable attitude has been on (mostly) and off since about Jan. when he was griping about the cold. Of course now, he's griping about the heat, last month was that it never just rains here, we have major thunderstorms with hail and flooding and crazy shit that doesn't happen in the perfect world. He keeps throwing around the idea of moving to Phoenix which I have to remind him that he bitches about the heat here what's he gonna do there? He's still tossing around moving to Tampa which leaves me jobless and friendless and no support system which I told him today I wasn't comfortable with. Then this evening he was tossing around OH or at least I think he was...when he approached me with the question of what do you do with an inground pool when it snows? HUH? You won't even put in an inground pool in TX, why the hell would you think you'd have one if you lived in OH? Maybe Mr. Wonderful would benefit from a healthy dose of Prozac...I don't know...I'm gonna need it if he doesn't figure out a solution to his problem soon! Maybe I'm the problem and should remove myself from the situation and let him fly on his own and figure out what makes him happy...I really don't think it's me.
Oh, and he's expecting me to teach myself how to play the piano and in turn teach the kids...not gonna happen. Yes, I took piano in college, but that was 14 years ago...that shit went out the window about two beers into graduation celebration and long since forgotten, but apparently I should be able to dig deep into my saturated brain and miraculously pull that small tidbit from the abyss of a mother of three, four if you count him, five if you count the dog, six if you count the lizard... "Not gonna do it, just wouldn't be prudent at this juncture" There was something else he was requesting of me today too...oh yeah, the dreaded garage sale. I would much rather donate my unwanted shit to charity than to have my front lawn piled full of outgrown clothes and old furniture and outdated decor and a ton of stangers analyzing it all...I HATE GARAGE SALES!! Yes, it forces me to clean closets, but it is not worth the $18.24 that I might make in doing so. Last time garage sale came up, I drug my feet until the night before and had a "meltdown" and got out of it...wonder if that would work again?
Just in general, I don't like him working from home in the summer...it drives me up the freakin wall. Especially when he swaps days and call in "sick"...I've had two days of him at the office since summer break began...and he has some vacation time scheduled here and there to boot...that puts a serious crimp in my daily plan of doing nothing until 3pm, because we all know that it doesn't take all day to clean the house, we just make it look that way. I can whip out a good head to toe on this house in 2 hours flat...I'm beat when I'm done, but it can be done.
For the record, there is absolutely NOTHING worth watching on TV this late at night! Again, my apology for any eyestrain that may have occurred! Sometimes MEN SUCK!
First of all, my schedule thus far this summer has been busier than it was two weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, I don't have the stress of work right now, but my schedule is jam packed and I'm not the one adding to it. Between soccer practice and games, baseball practice and games, and dance practice twice a week, we have something going nearly every day of the week. Toss in a visit from Mr. Wonderful's uncle, an 50th Anniversary party, and Father's Day to top off the week and I'm tired before it even starts. Today I spent, by my own choice, creating a unique anniversary gift. From designing, cutting, fusing, quilting, and now finishing embroidering (something I just today learned how to do), I am creatively brain dead! In fact, I should be finishing the last 4 numbers right now, but instead I'm blogging.
Schedule by itself, I can handle...Mr. Wonderful's fickle mind, I cannot. That brings me to topic #2...Mr. Wonderful. We found land, both liked it, was approved to buy and last night Mr. Wonderful throws a wrench into that plan. He is all of a sudden "not sure this is right". OK, news to me, that's the first I've heard anything other than I love it and I can do this and I can do that and the kids can do this and you can do that....and this is what our house will look like and our driveway here and that there....and I can have a tractor... and we're close to mom... After a morning of prodding and pointing out to him that I couldn't deal with him being miserable all the time, which he denied, and he needed to tell me what the hell his problem was...he finally let it out. And it went something like this...I had a good job in NC then my dad had to die (13 yrs ago) and I had to move back to OH to take care of my mom, then I met you and we all know what happened there and...whoa, wait a second...you trying to tell me you wanna get rid of me?...No, but I took this stupid job at the bank and I don't feel like I do anything and I've been there 11 years and my degree is in agri-business and I don't like my job and we haven't been camping since Oct. and it's too hot to fish now and I've taken 10 vacation days and none of them were for me, I took 3 for kids field trips and I took 7 to go to OH over spring break for you...hold on!...I think we visited more of your family and friends than mine...so don't say you did it for me...and I hate this stupid state it's brown in the winter and green for a couple months before the sun bakes the grass to brown where it stays for another 9 months and nothing grows here without watering three times a day and then doesn't produce which really pisses me off after all that work and if we get this land and build then we are stuck here in this stupid state and I'm stuck in my stupid job and...and...and...and I'm not teaching my kids a good work ethic working from home and...that's all I can remember right now, I'm sure there was more.
I pointed out that his miserable attitude has been on (mostly) and off since about Jan. when he was griping about the cold. Of course now, he's griping about the heat, last month was that it never just rains here, we have major thunderstorms with hail and flooding and crazy shit that doesn't happen in the perfect world. He keeps throwing around the idea of moving to Phoenix which I have to remind him that he bitches about the heat here what's he gonna do there? He's still tossing around moving to Tampa which leaves me jobless and friendless and no support system which I told him today I wasn't comfortable with. Then this evening he was tossing around OH or at least I think he was...when he approached me with the question of what do you do with an inground pool when it snows? HUH? You won't even put in an inground pool in TX, why the hell would you think you'd have one if you lived in OH? Maybe Mr. Wonderful would benefit from a healthy dose of Prozac...I don't know...I'm gonna need it if he doesn't figure out a solution to his problem soon! Maybe I'm the problem and should remove myself from the situation and let him fly on his own and figure out what makes him happy...I really don't think it's me.
Oh, and he's expecting me to teach myself how to play the piano and in turn teach the kids...not gonna happen. Yes, I took piano in college, but that was 14 years ago...that shit went out the window about two beers into graduation celebration and long since forgotten, but apparently I should be able to dig deep into my saturated brain and miraculously pull that small tidbit from the abyss of a mother of three, four if you count him, five if you count the dog, six if you count the lizard... "Not gonna do it, just wouldn't be prudent at this juncture" There was something else he was requesting of me today too...oh yeah, the dreaded garage sale. I would much rather donate my unwanted shit to charity than to have my front lawn piled full of outgrown clothes and old furniture and outdated decor and a ton of stangers analyzing it all...I HATE GARAGE SALES!! Yes, it forces me to clean closets, but it is not worth the $18.24 that I might make in doing so. Last time garage sale came up, I drug my feet until the night before and had a "meltdown" and got out of it...wonder if that would work again?
Just in general, I don't like him working from home in the summer...it drives me up the freakin wall. Especially when he swaps days and call in "sick"...I've had two days of him at the office since summer break began...and he has some vacation time scheduled here and there to boot...that puts a serious crimp in my daily plan of doing nothing until 3pm, because we all know that it doesn't take all day to clean the house, we just make it look that way. I can whip out a good head to toe on this house in 2 hours flat...I'm beat when I'm done, but it can be done.
For the record, there is absolutely NOTHING worth watching on TV this late at night! Again, my apology for any eyestrain that may have occurred! Sometimes MEN SUCK!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Too many spirits....
After a week home with kids on summer break, last night I was ready for a break! We had family and friends over for pizza and beverages...which led to me sleeping until 12:45pm today. I couldn't tell you the last time I slept that late, I think I was still in school myself. A combination of some fruity cocktails from Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville menu and a dozen or so Jell-o shots later, I was feeling no pain at least not until I woke up. I still have a headache. A true sign of getting older. I recall the days I could put away three times that much and get up and go to work at 6am. Oh well, such is life. I'd rather get up early and sip coffee and catch up on the local news or read than to feel like a piece of day old dog shit all day!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Ode to my house...
Dear House,
Today is dedicated to you. I promise to groom and manicure you to your finest! I promise to remove and store the remnants of children playing and Mr. Wonderful snacking. I promise to remove as much dog hair as I possibly can. I promise to brush your bowls and freshen your drains. Yes, today I dedicate to you, my poor neglected house!
Sincerely,
Your Keeper
Today is dedicated to you. I promise to groom and manicure you to your finest! I promise to remove and store the remnants of children playing and Mr. Wonderful snacking. I promise to remove as much dog hair as I possibly can. I promise to brush your bowls and freshen your drains. Yes, today I dedicate to you, my poor neglected house!
Sincerely,
Your Keeper
Thursday, June 5, 2008
I'm beat...
Long story short, left the house at 10 am for a day out with my daughter...learned more about Vietnamese relationships than I ever need to know at the nail salon, landed at the heezy for a quick bite to eat, and off to my sons baseball game and finally back home at 8:30. My feet hurt and I'm ready to become one with the couch!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
May I be of "Ass"istance?
OK, so I'm standing in front of my full-length mirror observing my red and white striped back when I catch a glimpse of my ass...cough...gag...WTF happened back there?...apparently sunburn against pasty white ass enhances cellulite dimples! When did my ass turn into what looks like a doughnut that has been through a hail storm? How does something like that happen and I not know? In shock from the sight I have just caught a glimpse of, I turn to grab the hand mirror (you know, to get a better look), and I catch a glimpse of my profile...cough...gag...swallow the little bit of throw-up in my mouth...WTF happened there? I have a flap hanging over my cesarean scar! I know I've eaten a few too many cheeseburgers this year, but dang! I will admit that it is not as bad as that time, 30 pounds ago, when I got the hair brained idea to do a naked jumping jack, but shit... it was close! You need motivation to exercise or diet, do a naked jumping jack. I guarantee the shock of seeing and hearing your girls slap on your rib cage will motivate your ass to do whatever it takes! I definitely need to dust off all that exercise equipment that has been collecting dust for years and put it to good use. I need to lay off cheeseburgers too...that's gonna be a tough one for me. Guess it wouldn't hurt to get out the food diary and scale again either...summer goal, lose the 15 pounds I put back on this year! Wish me luck! And, by the way, regardless of size...I will NEVER EVER, as long as I live, EVER do another naked jumping jack in front of the mirror! That vision still gives me nightmares!
GRRRRRR
Oh man! Mr. Wonderful decided to take a "sick day" today. He is about to drive me up the freakin' wall!! He already works from home two days a week, which makes it difficult to keep three kiddos contained while he is working and on conference calls all day, but to take a sick day the first week I have off for summer vacation...OUTRAGEOUS!! There should be laws against men being home for more than 2 days a week!
Already today he has nitpicked about computer use, fingerprints on the TV, an unused Q-tip on the bathroom counter, housework that hasn't been done, kids sleeping past 10, the fact that the coffee auto brewed at 7 and he didn't get up until 8:15...and the list goes on and it isn't even noon yet! SIGH! All the things that would get done at my own pace during the course of the day while he was at the office have now been expedited to the top of my priority list and my motivation to do any of it flushed down the shitter.
I finally convinced him to go to Wally World to get me a bag of potting soil, gourd seeds, and a new trellis. Hopefully he gets seriously distracted for a few hours so I can mentally prepare for tomorrow's work-from-home day and do nothing until he calls to let me know he is on his way home at which time I bust my ass to tidy up and look like I have been busy the whole time he was gone. :-)
Already today he has nitpicked about computer use, fingerprints on the TV, an unused Q-tip on the bathroom counter, housework that hasn't been done, kids sleeping past 10, the fact that the coffee auto brewed at 7 and he didn't get up until 8:15...and the list goes on and it isn't even noon yet! SIGH! All the things that would get done at my own pace during the course of the day while he was at the office have now been expedited to the top of my priority list and my motivation to do any of it flushed down the shitter.
I finally convinced him to go to Wally World to get me a bag of potting soil, gourd seeds, and a new trellis. Hopefully he gets seriously distracted for a few hours so I can mentally prepare for tomorrow's work-from-home day and do nothing until he calls to let me know he is on his way home at which time I bust my ass to tidy up and look like I have been busy the whole time he was gone. :-)
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Ohio
Home is where you come from. It is not where you live at the present time, and though I doubt I will ever live in Ohio again, I will always think of it as home.
Years grow shorter, not longer
The more you've been on your own
Feelins for movin grow stronger
So you wonder why you ever go home
Wonder why you ever go home
"Wonder Why We Ever Go Home"
~Jimmy Buffett
Years grow shorter, not longer
The more you've been on your own
Feelins for movin grow stronger
So you wonder why you ever go home
Wonder why you ever go home
"Wonder Why We Ever Go Home"
~Jimmy Buffett
Monday, June 2, 2008
New Home
Mr. Wonderful and I have been looking for a bigger house, some land that we don't have to sell off our children to afford, anything that has something bigger than my dining room for a back yard. The search has been tiresome and mentally draining and has added several miles to my ride and practically robbed my bank account, but I think we have finally found the perfect piece of land. Unlike other properties we have looked at, this one has that "home" feeling to it, where the others were all a wishy washy it would do if we don't find anything else kind of feeling or a HELL NO I'm not living between two POS properties and neighbors with summer teeth (summer teeth, you know...some are there, some aren't).
We found a 1.5 acre lot with established peach, plum, and pecan trees, three rows of blackberry bushes, plenty of room for the kids to throw a ball without it going over the neighbor's fence, and plenty of room for Mr. Wonderful to pursue his dream of a vegetable garden and pumpkin patch. The property is lined with huge trees all around. There are a handful of neighbors who have been there for years and it is located on a dead-end road. BONUS!! No traffic! No neighbor kids! Nice, quiet, country living for all to enjoy! It is also close to family!
Mr. Wonderful and I had a midnight brainstorm session the other night and practically came up with our own floor plan based on our own homes growing up and things we've seen and liked in our travels. I woke up the next morning and sketched it out. For the first time in months, Mr. Wonderful has actually been happy and excited about something. He's been in a bit of a funk for several months. The thought of actually being able to use his agri-business degree for something other than banking has pulled him out of his own personal hell, or at least seems to have for now.
With the grace of God and a blessing from JP Morgan Chase, we should be moving in about this time next year. I'll keep you posted!
We found a 1.5 acre lot with established peach, plum, and pecan trees, three rows of blackberry bushes, plenty of room for the kids to throw a ball without it going over the neighbor's fence, and plenty of room for Mr. Wonderful to pursue his dream of a vegetable garden and pumpkin patch. The property is lined with huge trees all around. There are a handful of neighbors who have been there for years and it is located on a dead-end road. BONUS!! No traffic! No neighbor kids! Nice, quiet, country living for all to enjoy! It is also close to family!
Mr. Wonderful and I had a midnight brainstorm session the other night and practically came up with our own floor plan based on our own homes growing up and things we've seen and liked in our travels. I woke up the next morning and sketched it out. For the first time in months, Mr. Wonderful has actually been happy and excited about something. He's been in a bit of a funk for several months. The thought of actually being able to use his agri-business degree for something other than banking has pulled him out of his own personal hell, or at least seems to have for now.
With the grace of God and a blessing from JP Morgan Chase, we should be moving in about this time next year. I'll keep you posted!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Not Home
This has been another hectic weekend of running. Between baseball games, sleepovers, cookout with friends, and dropping off/picking up kids, I have been home long enough to eat and sleep. Leaving laundry, dust, and dog hair (at least the dishes are done) for the upcoming week of my fully devoted attention, since I am officially on VACATION until August!!
I'm not quite sure why I chose teaching as a career, it must have been the inner lazy me, but I'm sure glad I did! The best part of summers off is spending time with my kiddos, be it riding bikes (after I dust them off), playing games, watching cartoons, or running through the sprinkler with them, it is time well spent. I wouldn't trade it for anything!
I'm not quite sure why I chose teaching as a career, it must have been the inner lazy me, but I'm sure glad I did! The best part of summers off is spending time with my kiddos, be it riding bikes (after I dust them off), playing games, watching cartoons, or running through the sprinkler with them, it is time well spent. I wouldn't trade it for anything!
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