Here I sit, home alone! No demanding requests from kids! No Mr. Wonderful barking orders! No hormone crazed middle schoolers to worry about! Nothing but me, my dog, my soaps, and my 80s hair band music blaring! What a beautiful day!!
I have managed to do NOTHING at all today! No laundry. No dishes. No vacuuming. Zilch. Nada. NOTHING!! And I feel no guilt for accomplishing absolutely nothing thus far today, which was my intention when I took today off as a "mental health" day.
Well... that and taking care of my puppy who "underwent the knife" on Wednesday and is still recovering with a huge incision tacked together with no less than 19 stitches on the outside and who knows how many on the inside. We are still awaiting histopath results from the lab to determine the nature of the tumor that was removed. His incision has finally stopped oozing enough to take off the bandages and let it air out. He's still moving very slowly and needs help getting back onto the deck, but is far more mobile than he has been since surgery.
So for now... the toilets, dirty laundry, and dust can wait. As selfish as it may seem, I'm enjoying my day off with no regrets!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Epiphany
I'm not quite sure where this is coming from, but here it is...
I'm one of those people who do my best thinking in the shower, where it is quiet, free from interruptions and requests. I have come up with some of my best ideas in the shower. The other morning, I had what I would call "a moment" while rinsing my hair. I happened to open my eyes and saw Mr. Wonderful putting the finishing touches on his hair and this thought crossed my mind...Is this REALLY it? Is this what I have been given for the rest of my life?
I've spent the past week marinating on that thought and I'm still at a crossroad, not sure what to think or how to react to the unsettled feelings associated with the reality of spending the rest of my life the way I have for the past 12 years.
Sure Mr. Wonderful and I have created three beautiful children together, shared great moments together, and have really put ourselves in a good place financially, but what is the meaning of it if you don't feel love? This is a question that has haunted me for years. Looking at the big picture, we have a nice house, we have a nice cushion in the bank, we have nice vehicles, we have the potential to be really great together, but something deep inside keeps me from taking that step and opening myself up to entertain the idea of spending the rest of my life with him.
You know, I sit in church and I hear the words "God is listening to your prayers. If you aren't getting the results you want then maybe you aren't asking for the right things or maybe God has answered your prayers and you aren't open to seeing the answer for what it is." I'm not sure if this feeling is God's way of telling me to "Hang in there, this is my plan for you! It only gets better from here!" or "Wake up woman! Life is too short to be miserable!" I hope I figure it out soon, because it is exhausting fighting this internal battle.
I'm one of those people who do my best thinking in the shower, where it is quiet, free from interruptions and requests. I have come up with some of my best ideas in the shower. The other morning, I had what I would call "a moment" while rinsing my hair. I happened to open my eyes and saw Mr. Wonderful putting the finishing touches on his hair and this thought crossed my mind...Is this REALLY it? Is this what I have been given for the rest of my life?
I've spent the past week marinating on that thought and I'm still at a crossroad, not sure what to think or how to react to the unsettled feelings associated with the reality of spending the rest of my life the way I have for the past 12 years.
Sure Mr. Wonderful and I have created three beautiful children together, shared great moments together, and have really put ourselves in a good place financially, but what is the meaning of it if you don't feel love? This is a question that has haunted me for years. Looking at the big picture, we have a nice house, we have a nice cushion in the bank, we have nice vehicles, we have the potential to be really great together, but something deep inside keeps me from taking that step and opening myself up to entertain the idea of spending the rest of my life with him.
You know, I sit in church and I hear the words "God is listening to your prayers. If you aren't getting the results you want then maybe you aren't asking for the right things or maybe God has answered your prayers and you aren't open to seeing the answer for what it is." I'm not sure if this feeling is God's way of telling me to "Hang in there, this is my plan for you! It only gets better from here!" or "Wake up woman! Life is too short to be miserable!" I hope I figure it out soon, because it is exhausting fighting this internal battle.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Identity Crisis
As I told you a few posts/months ago...we, rather I, remodeled our gameroom which was packed to the hilt with Packer and Red Sox memorabilia into a Tiki bar...right down to real bamboo on the walls and a thatched "roof" overlooking the sunset and lots of shit from Margaritaville. What you are seeing in this picture are the remnants of what used to be "Dogs playing poker, pool, and baseball" border. Not quite sure what the chick on TV is doing, but I promise you this picture was taken during daylight hours while the kids were home and it is not sexual in nature.
Here we have a sampling of the aforementioned Packer, Red Sox, Kentucky Derby, miscellaneous sports stuff that once hung on the wall in our game room, which is now packed into tubs and crammed into the closet in our bedroom which is home to all things we no longer use.
Here is a picture of our friends Albert and Sylvia posing in front of my finished masterpiece. If I weren't such a dumb ass when it comes to downloading pictures, there would be a better picture in place of this one. Not that this isn't a good picture, but it doesn't do my masterpiece justice, so to speak. I could add another picture, but like I said, I'm a dumb ass when it comes to downloading pictures and it would be at the beginning of this blog and would spoil the fun of forcing you to continue reading my nonsense babble about how great I think this looks! : ) Besides that, Mr. Wonderful copied the REALLY good pictures of the above masterpiece, notice I said copied not downloaded, onto the desktop which currently seems to have a viral infestation and they happen to not be backed up on disk and who prints pictures these days? Oh, that would be me...I am now caught up to July of '07 as far as printing pics and spending hours sorting and putting them in albums.
Do you realize how many pictures you take with a digital camera in a year, just because you can? A LOT LOT LOT as Rodney Carrington would say!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Rainy Days and Mondays...
It was bound to happen eventually, but I decided to tempt Mother Nature with the opportunity to dump some rain on our dry vegetation and I washed my vehicle last night for the first time since...well, it's been so long I don't remember when! I had to take ol Brutus out in the rain this morning and dirty up my wash job. Oh well, we sure needed the rain. There is a positive in everything! At least that's what I tell myself!
Since I have seriously neglected my blog for weeks, this may be a long one! I think I will attack it with a list, lists are always good. Learned that today at inservice...see, the day wasn't wasted!
Since my last blog....
My daughters have had two dance performances, both of which were absolutely beautiful. Yes, my fair skinned, blued-eyed girls are dancing Folklorico or "Mexican Dance" as they call it, no offense. I love the culture, love the music, love...love...love the costumes! We have three more community performances this month. I can't wait to get them dressed up with hair pieces and make-up again. You know, the instructor offers classes for adults...still contemplating that class after a year. Maybe, someday....nah, just wishful thinking! I'll sit back and enjoy the girls and make them teach me, yeah then no embarassment for me!
Mr. Wonderful pulled, pinched, whatever his sciatic nerve. I finally convinced him that he should take the steroid and muscle relaxers the Dr. prescribed. He's still complaining of "charlie horse" pain in his calf and his heel is "numb". I suggested a call to the Dr., but he refused. Typical man behavior right there! He's also been experiencing high blood pressure for about two weeks, won't see the doc on that one either. He is monitoring it with a bp cuff here. Most readings are in the norm to high norm, at least the few I have witnessed. he should be writing it down, but hasn't logged a single reading yet. Like the saying goes...you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I'm sure when he reaches his pain threshold or has a heart attack, he will reconsider my suggestion to seek medical advice. Ugh!
On a more positive note, I have successfully learned how to DVR stuff so I can now catch up on Days at night and not have to wait until Sunday to try to say awake til 4 catching up on a weeks worth and if I fall asleep during a movie I can watch it later and if I am called away by kid requests I can rewind it. I think I have watched more movies the past month than I have in the past three years! Yay me! On another technological note, I have successfully learned how to make a spreadsheet, might have mentioned that before, but mighty proud of it!
We celebrated MIL, Monster Man, and Mr. Wonderful's b-day at a German restraunt. It was A LOT of fun. The food was fantastic, the entertainment was awesome, a good time was had by all! German night was quickly followed by Monster Man's b-day party at Chuck E. Cheese hell the next day. Although I must say, they have spuced up the joint a bit since our last visit. New and improved games, better pizza... Monster Man was in 7th heaven with the two Camerons, one boy Cameron, one girl Cameron. Lots of "Spidey-fun" was had by all! Now, the task is to find a home for all the new "big boy" lego sets and spider-man parafanalia. Oh, forgot to mention the addition of a new pet to the family. My baby boy is now the owner of his very own hermit crab which he has creatively named...are you ready for this?...Mr. Crabs! He has wanted one of these for nearly two years, there was no way I could let another birthday pass and not fill his request. He hugged me great big and told me it was his most favoritest birthday present he got! Melted my heart on the spot! He enjoyed his birthday presents so much that I have barely seen him for two days! He has been busy building lego cars and spiderman spaceships and loop-the-loops! It is so refreshing to see him doing something other than begging to play nintendo! One of these days, I'll get around to posting pictures of all these things. Probably about May when school is out again!
On to a humbling topic...took my/our 12 yr old puppy to another vet to get a second opinion on a tumor he's had for four years that all of a sudden "needs removed". Second vet agreed and surgery is set for the 22 of this month. He will have at least an 8 in incision when surgery is over providing all lab work is normal and he actually has the surgery. The vet also put him on Remadyl, pain meds for arthritis, and said it should improve his "quality of life". Started noticing last night he's moving a bit slower and he barked all night, had an accident on the floor by the back door. I noticed earlier some sores on the inside of his upper lip, a side effect of the Remadyl, I'm sure. I decided to stop treatment for now based on that, then he fell and couldn't get up. I had to help him up and he managed to walk outside. Watched him really close to make sure he was OK. Left him to do business and he barked to come in. He is now laying here sleeping, at least until I go upstairs, which he rarely attempts to do anymore, and he begins his all night barking protest. So his actions led me to google Remadyl, I am still freaked out by what I have read on the side effects. OMG!!! Had I known the risks before agreeing to start him on it, I would have not started it. He will not be taking anymore of it. If the symptoms persist or are still present tomorrow I fear another trip to the vet is in order. I would hate to think my decision to help him has made him suffer more. Ugh!
And the final thing I'm including on my list tonight, not because it is the only other thing that has occured since last post, but because it is late and if I go to sleep right now I might get 5 hrs of sleep and also because I am really excited about it! I finally, after threatening for years, got my hair cut today! I'm not talking a trim job either! I'm talking C-U-T CUT! I finally got the haircut I have wanted for about 8 months or more. I got myself a stacked, swing bob haircut! I'm talking hair to my bra strap to shaved nape! I LOVE IT! It was like a burden lifted off my shoulders. One less thing to fuss with in the mornings, easy peasy styling and out the door, and it is sooo freakin' cute! Again, will post before and after pics one of these years!
As we left our inservice meeting this afternoon, they played a song. I will leave you with these lyrics...since you never know when I will get back to blog again these days.
Lyrics to "Happy Trails" by Dale Evans Rogers
Since I have seriously neglected my blog for weeks, this may be a long one! I think I will attack it with a list, lists are always good. Learned that today at inservice...see, the day wasn't wasted!
Since my last blog....
My daughters have had two dance performances, both of which were absolutely beautiful. Yes, my fair skinned, blued-eyed girls are dancing Folklorico or "Mexican Dance" as they call it, no offense. I love the culture, love the music, love...love...love the costumes! We have three more community performances this month. I can't wait to get them dressed up with hair pieces and make-up again. You know, the instructor offers classes for adults...still contemplating that class after a year. Maybe, someday....nah, just wishful thinking! I'll sit back and enjoy the girls and make them teach me, yeah then no embarassment for me!
Mr. Wonderful pulled, pinched, whatever his sciatic nerve. I finally convinced him that he should take the steroid and muscle relaxers the Dr. prescribed. He's still complaining of "charlie horse" pain in his calf and his heel is "numb". I suggested a call to the Dr., but he refused. Typical man behavior right there! He's also been experiencing high blood pressure for about two weeks, won't see the doc on that one either. He is monitoring it with a bp cuff here. Most readings are in the norm to high norm, at least the few I have witnessed. he should be writing it down, but hasn't logged a single reading yet. Like the saying goes...you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I'm sure when he reaches his pain threshold or has a heart attack, he will reconsider my suggestion to seek medical advice. Ugh!
On a more positive note, I have successfully learned how to DVR stuff so I can now catch up on Days at night and not have to wait until Sunday to try to say awake til 4 catching up on a weeks worth and if I fall asleep during a movie I can watch it later and if I am called away by kid requests I can rewind it. I think I have watched more movies the past month than I have in the past three years! Yay me! On another technological note, I have successfully learned how to make a spreadsheet, might have mentioned that before, but mighty proud of it!
We celebrated MIL, Monster Man, and Mr. Wonderful's b-day at a German restraunt. It was A LOT of fun. The food was fantastic, the entertainment was awesome, a good time was had by all! German night was quickly followed by Monster Man's b-day party at Chuck E. Cheese hell the next day. Although I must say, they have spuced up the joint a bit since our last visit. New and improved games, better pizza... Monster Man was in 7th heaven with the two Camerons, one boy Cameron, one girl Cameron. Lots of "Spidey-fun" was had by all! Now, the task is to find a home for all the new "big boy" lego sets and spider-man parafanalia. Oh, forgot to mention the addition of a new pet to the family. My baby boy is now the owner of his very own hermit crab which he has creatively named...are you ready for this?...Mr. Crabs! He has wanted one of these for nearly two years, there was no way I could let another birthday pass and not fill his request. He hugged me great big and told me it was his most favoritest birthday present he got! Melted my heart on the spot! He enjoyed his birthday presents so much that I have barely seen him for two days! He has been busy building lego cars and spiderman spaceships and loop-the-loops! It is so refreshing to see him doing something other than begging to play nintendo! One of these days, I'll get around to posting pictures of all these things. Probably about May when school is out again!
On to a humbling topic...took my/our 12 yr old puppy to another vet to get a second opinion on a tumor he's had for four years that all of a sudden "needs removed". Second vet agreed and surgery is set for the 22 of this month. He will have at least an 8 in incision when surgery is over providing all lab work is normal and he actually has the surgery. The vet also put him on Remadyl, pain meds for arthritis, and said it should improve his "quality of life". Started noticing last night he's moving a bit slower and he barked all night, had an accident on the floor by the back door. I noticed earlier some sores on the inside of his upper lip, a side effect of the Remadyl, I'm sure. I decided to stop treatment for now based on that, then he fell and couldn't get up. I had to help him up and he managed to walk outside. Watched him really close to make sure he was OK. Left him to do business and he barked to come in. He is now laying here sleeping, at least until I go upstairs, which he rarely attempts to do anymore, and he begins his all night barking protest. So his actions led me to google Remadyl, I am still freaked out by what I have read on the side effects. OMG!!! Had I known the risks before agreeing to start him on it, I would have not started it. He will not be taking anymore of it. If the symptoms persist or are still present tomorrow I fear another trip to the vet is in order. I would hate to think my decision to help him has made him suffer more. Ugh!
And the final thing I'm including on my list tonight, not because it is the only other thing that has occured since last post, but because it is late and if I go to sleep right now I might get 5 hrs of sleep and also because I am really excited about it! I finally, after threatening for years, got my hair cut today! I'm not talking a trim job either! I'm talking C-U-T CUT! I finally got the haircut I have wanted for about 8 months or more. I got myself a stacked, swing bob haircut! I'm talking hair to my bra strap to shaved nape! I LOVE IT! It was like a burden lifted off my shoulders. One less thing to fuss with in the mornings, easy peasy styling and out the door, and it is sooo freakin' cute! Again, will post before and after pics one of these years!
As we left our inservice meeting this afternoon, they played a song. I will leave you with these lyrics...since you never know when I will get back to blog again these days.
Lyrics to "Happy Trails" by Dale Evans Rogers
Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.
Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It's the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here's a happy one for you.
Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.
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