FINALLY!!

I am sooooooooo excited...I finally get to write a "Men Suck" entry!

How do men suck, you ask? Let me count the ways...
uhhh, second thought, not enough blog in the world to contain them all...
Yes, I know that I am stereotyping men, but hey...sometimes the truth hurts!

Men, face it, most of you can be a big PITA! Some more than others. For all practical purposes, "men suck" usually refers to hubby, you know "Mr. Wonderful" that entered my life 12+ yrs ago and swept me off my feet. HUMPH! GONE are those days...we are lucky to say two words to each other these days. I have come to the conclusion that I don't like him most days and he don't like me most days. I will spare all one or two of you the never ending list and give you a Top 10...here it goes.

TOP 10 REASONS MEN SUCK

10. Morning breath and every other funky odor eeking from any given orophous. You'd think after all these years it wouldn't matter, but it does (at least to me).

9. Two adults with bachelor degrees, one "better" than the other because one moved 2000 miles away from home at 18 and the other commuted. I fail to see the difference as does Papa Ron who reassures me that hubby can't handle the fact that he is married to a witty, educated woman. Thanks dad!

8. Freakin' bags of snacks found anywhere "Mr. Wonderful" has left them. Just drive me up the wall...Cheese-itz in the bedroom, Conn's by the recliner, Sun Chips by the coffee table...whiskey tango foxtrot?? And the kicker...roll the bag, sit it on the floor, then walk to the kitchen without it!! Just burns my ass up!

7. His insistence that I take Midol (yeah, like that's gonna help...pass the freakin' Prozac and a cold beer) ...like I'm the only person on this earth that menstruates. Come on, if you were with any one else, you would still be incovenienced once a month. Too bad men can't experience the joy of "Mother Nature" or "Aunt Flow"! I'd like to see how a man would handle bleeding like a stuck pig every 30 days.

6. The mindset that a woman's place is in the kitchen and in the house...that women should be seen, but not heard (newsflash...it ain't the 20s), that somehow in this whole wide world that he is perfect and never wrong. Guess leaving you wallet on the dresser when going shopping is perfection. I'll have to give that a try.

5. The fact that he can't stand where I come from, which includes my parents (obviously, they aren't perfect), my brothers (again, not perfect), the town I grew up in (any town with two lane roads leading into and out of it, just isn't good enough). WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT EVER!

4. Music preferences...OH MAN! Let's pull out Barry Manilow, John Denver, and Neil Diamond...talk about bringing a party to a screeching halt! That's all I have to say about that!

3. OCD-Bar glasses, tap handles, coasters, hats, trading cards, t-shirts...our house is overflowing! "Mr. Wonderful" gets on a kick and just keeps on going...for example, Jimmy Buffett. We bought concert tickets,OK...great...can't wait..., but three Margaritaville shipments later, three or maybe four new Buffett CDs later, Landshark Lager in the fridge later, four or five Buffet books/ novels later, and a Landshark Lager tattoo later...I think it safe to say, rather scream OCD! Example two, Kentucky Derby. We've watched the Derby for years, but this year has been over the top. Let's start with a stop at Churchill Downs on the way home from spring break (which is for teachers by the way), really cool place, nice break from the 22 hr trip. One day in the door from our detour stop, ebay packages start to arrive. All full of mint julep glasses from various years ( not like we don't have enough bar glasses w/ the nearly 100 already on shelves), followed by programs from various years (whiskey tango foxtrot??), and an order or two from Churchill Downs giftshop for party supplies for the Derby party. Did I mention we all have to wear Derby hats? Can we say it together now, OCD!!

2. Temper tantrums and sports juju. I will have to elaborate on this in a separate blog. Bottom line, it is not safe to walk into a room or out of a room if one of the following teams is playing...Boston Red Sox, Green Bay Packers, Notre Dame, or Nascar. I'm pretty much f&^%ed year round, I might get between Super Bowl and Twin 125s off. God forbid one walks into a room and his team screws up or driver crashes...all my fault...my walking into the room (or leaving) caused the flub up. Simply amazing, I wasn't aware of my magical powers to jinx sports teams! Not to mention the more than I can count on my fingers and toes remotes lost to projectile force into another object. Like I said, another blog...

and the NUMBER 1 REASON MEN SUCK....

BEER DICK! Apparently that is a condition caused from drinking beer. Fortunately, I have not experienced that personally. However, I have been on the receiving end. For those of you unaware of BEER DICK, here is the best explanation I can give. After drinking a few beers, one becomes a bit desensitized and can "go longer". And apparently when one has BEER DICK, it is announced by telling the partner "we're f&^$ing when every one leaves"...LIKE HELL WE ARE! That line doesn't work with me, he knows it, yet still does it. Which leads to an arguement about "how little he gets it" and "any other woman would jump at the chance"...etc...go for it honey, if it gets you off my back for a while...have at it! I'm offering hubby up...any takers?

These just scratch the surface...there will be more!